Kilroy was Here by Jeff South

Author:Jeff South [South, Jeff]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction/Science Fiction/Action & Adventure
Publisher: Total Publishing

CHAPTER NINE

Miss America’s hatch is filled with a cache of Simon Tybalt’s behavioral weapons. A duffle loaded with Existential Crisis Inducers, Passive Aggressive Aggravators, Gulliballs, and JazzHands Phasers rests next to a suitcase with a change of clothes for us. I take a Gulliball and JazzHand Phaser and stick them in a backpack with some snacks for the trip to Planet Lloyd. I rid the passenger side floorboard of Taco Haus bags, candy wrappers, and receipts printed in alien languages. My stomach flutters in anticipation of our journey. It’s not like I’ve never been nervous before. I’ve experienced stomach flutters associated with admitting to my parents I gave the cat a Mohawk. I fondly recall the butterflies I had when Marlene and I first kissed. This is my first bout of off-to-face-a-galactic-supervillan-on-his-home-planet anxiety. I don’t particularly care for the feeling.

“You’ve got a quite a trip ahead of you,” says Simon Tybalt. “Keep me updated on your progress and alert me of any emergencies. Otherwise, don’t bother me. I’ll be entertaining a guest while you’re gone.”

“Boom chicka bow bow,” says Jeff.

“Don’t ever do that again,” I tell him. “No one does that anymore.”

“Are you going to be surly again? I’m not putting up with surliness on this trip.”

“I have something for both of you.” Simon pulls a stack of business cards held together by a rubber band from his pants pocket and hands them to me. “Someone told me you like business cards.”

I take the stack from him and look at the top card.

TONY PERSHING

TRAINING DATABASE STRATEGIST

“I don’t know what to say.” I look at the Corporate founder. He’s giving me that sad smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He then puts his hands on my shoulders and looks deep into me. “You’ll use your weapons to neutralize Grandor and you’re training to download the quintonium drive plans. I believe in you.”

“I’m glad someone does.”

He turns to Jeff and hands him a jump drive shaped like a duck.

“What is it?” Jeff looks at the drive. “Is it porn?”

“That is a file of songs from 1976-1986, what I consider the best era for music.” Simon lights up a Mongalisonian cigarette and smokes. “Plug that into your USB on the Vega and expand your musical horizons.”

“No kidding,” I say. “Try something from the 21st century.”

Jeff regards the tiny duck and looks at me. “I’m playing Styx first, then, maybe, I’ll play this.”

“Godspeed,” Simon Tybalt says, “and remember…”

“We own the night,” Jeff and I say in unison.

“I was going to be say be safe, but whatever works for you.”

*

“Here.” Jeff hands me a rumpled piece of paper with some numbers scrawled all over them. “These are the coordinates for planet Lloyd. Wanna input them into the navigator?”

“I don’t need those,” I say, brimming with confidence in my new abilities.

The coordinates spark in my nanotech and suddenly I realize I’m an expert on a planet I’ve never visited. I close my eyes and feel myself floating through the vast library of Corporate knowledge in my brain. I

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